Scoville rating: 1100 (approximate)
CAUTION: As prepared in this recipe, this Spicy Alien Hatching Calzone
is extremely spicy (and kinda scarey to look at, too! ).
As with any extreme cooking, you should consider
having it prepared by an expert before attempting it on your own.
CAUTION: The recommended types and amounts of hot sauces and
spices below may cause
you extreme distress should you get them into an eye or other
bodily orfice undiluted. For this reason WEAR SAFETY GOGGLES and
WASH HANDS CAREFULLY AFTER HANDLING SPICES.
You have been
warned...
Mix the sugar into the hot water. Add the yeast, stir.
Mix the nonfat dry milk into the flour. [using a mixmaster is a good idea for this part]
[optional - add the egg to the flour/dry milk. Stir well]
add the yeast-plus-water-plus-sugar to the flour/dry milk. Mix only enough to form a dough, not more (to avoid shearing the yeast to death)
Cover the mixture and place in a warm dark place. Covering the mixing bowl with saran and floating it around in a hottub works great. Leave the jets off, though.
You now have classic bread dough. Let it rise for an hour and mix it again. Put it back in the warm place to allow the dough to relax and proceed with the following:
Peel all the garlic. All of it. Yes, it's a lot of garlic. Bask in the fragrance. Revel in it! Good stuff, eh?
Slice the garlic thinly.
Heat the olive oil to frying temps, and fry the onions mixed with half of the garlic slices to golden, then...
Turn the oven on to 350F.
Sliver the green pepper.
Slice the tomatoes about 3/16 (5mm) thick.
Grate the mozzarella cheese, if you didn't get it pregrated.
Open the can(s) of tomato sauce. For every 250 ml (8 oz) of sauce, add one teaspoon of "Inner Beauty Real Hot Sauce" or equivalent; mix it in well. Be very careful of this stuff, it's HOT (about 100,000 scoville units). Whatever you do, don't lick the spoon unless you are into self-destruction.
Put a tablespoon of olive oil on a baking sheet with a raised rim. Spread the olive oil around on the sheet.
Take out the dough. It should have risen somewhat again. Note- it'll have "relaxed", which means that it will be pliable and easy to press out. BUT- after a very few bends, it will stiffen up again. That's the way bread dough is. So, minimize your poking and flexing of the dough, to make it easy for you to flatten the dough onto the baking sheet.
Oil your hands with olive oil.
In one fell swoop, scoop the entire wad of sticky puffy dough out of the mixing bowl and onto the baking sheet.
Press the dough out to cover the entire baking sheet, right up to the rim. The olive oil allows the dough to slide pretty easily around, and hopefully not stick to your hands either.
Now you've got a baking-sheet-sized slab o' dough. Sprinkle the peppers, then the sliced tomatoes, then the fried onions, then the remaining sliced garlic, then the cheese and lastly the spiced-up tomato sauce in a stripe down the middle of the long axis of the dough slab. The stripe should be about 1/2 as wide as the dough slab. You can use a fork to smooth down the tomato sauce.
Now, fold each side of unoccupied dough over the veggies; pinch the dough together to make a seam down the middle of the slab. Sometimes this goes easier with two people- one doing the folding and the other doing the pinching.
Pinch/fold the ends over as well.
Put it in the oven until golden brown (15 minutes to start, then you'll just have to wing it).
While it's cooking, the pinched-together topseam will usually split, giving a look rather like the "Alien Egg" in the movie ALIEN. Don't be afraid, it's supposed to do that. On the other hand, don't bend over and put your face close to it, either. :-)
Allow to set for about 5 minutes before slicing. Use a bread knife or a serrated knife for best results.
Yummmmy!